A travel blog needs travel product reviews. So let’s start right now, with an overview of my favourite piece of travel tech.
This is a review of my legs.
TRAVEL PRODUCT
Mike’s Legs™
MANUFACTURED BY
Mr & Mrs Sowden; various walking holidays, cycling expeditions, erratic keep-fit routines, etc.
PRICE
42 years of food, warmth, shelter.
KEY FEATURES
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- powerful and versatile personal transportation system
- precision-engineered (exactly long enough to reach the ground)
- durable (4 decades and counting)
- 6 hours of walking / 5 hours of cycling on a single overnight charge
- suspension system and shock-absorbing hinges for a variety of off-roading options
- comes fitted with a set of Flexible Ergonomic Extremity Tools™, free of charge.
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REVIEW
I’ve been using my Legs™ for as long as I can remember. At this stage, I almost feel like they’re a part of me, so this will be a difficult review. I’ll do my best to be objective.
Usefulness: This product is by no means a necessary component for travelling the world (and anyone who says otherwise is lying to you), but you should find it a useful addition to your travel inventory. For example, in hitchhiking it’s possible to seductively uncover one Leg™ to entice motorists to slow down. Note: the few times I’ve tried it the traffic actually sped up, so I can’t personally verify this.
Maintenance: After prolonged use, Legs™ tend to settle themselves into a comfortable rhythm and you can largely forget about them. However, they do require a certain amount of maintenance, more and more as they get older. I’ve noticed that mine have developed a slight weakness in the hinge-joints midway down, and they’re not as elastic as they once were. Certain activities (playing squash; cycling up a hill; moving a sofa) can put them out of action for 24 hours or more. It’s important to look after your Legs™ as you never know when you might need them.
Economy: astonishingly cost-effective, with a holistic low-fuel warning system (Hunger™) that simply can’t be ignored.
Design flaws: none to speak of, although they do tend to radiate heat if they’re not properly lagged.
VERDICT
“Brilliant.”
Note: I’ve been informed by the manufacturers that Legs™ naturally come in a wide variety of shapes and sizes and if yours don’t look like anyone else’s, that’s absolutely nothing to be worried about.