I’m tired of reading about difficult, expensive, time-consuming things I “have to do before I die“. And I’m betting you are too.
So why not try my Amazingly Achievable Things To Do Before You Die list instead?
Let me know how you score.
(Especially if it’s under 50%).
1. Turn round and look at something you’ve just tripped over in the street – then realise you’re spending slightly too much time doing this to look entirely normal, and move onwards.
2. Buy something on impulse.
3. Say “I can’t” when what you really mean is “I don’t want to”.
4. Read a book. Any book will do.
5. Absent-mindedly put something in the fridge that doesn’t belong in the fridge.
6. Laugh at a private joke, just as someone is passing you in the street, making them paranoid until they get home and examine themselves thoroughly.
7. Hope that (6) has just happened to you, rather than something embarassing being on your face or your flies being undone.
8. Frown about how much you have to do in so little time.
9. Squeeze a pimple.
10. Feed a bird or other animal.
11. Whittle a new hole in a belt.
12. While online, do something you’re not proud of.
13. Put leftover ingredients together to make something that’s simply inedible, no matter how hungry you are.
14. Run out of toilet paper at some critical moment.
15. See the sun come up.
16. Look at somebody’s bottom.
17. Put more than one pair of spectacles or sunglasses on at the same time.
18. Lick uncooked cake mixture off a wooden spoon.
19. Eat so much of something that you have problems breathing when you sit down, or moving when you’re stood up.
20. Surprise a junk snail-mailer by dragging it out your letterbox on your side before he’s finished pushing it through on his.
21.Play with something until it breaks.
22. Admire yourself in a mirror, possibly with a Fonzie / Joey / Dr. Sam Beckett style “heyyyyyy!” gesture.
23. Catch an egg before it rolls off a tabletop.
24. Part your hair a different way.
25. Order a “half” of something alcoholic, and feel mild social embarrassment amidst your peers.
26. Suffer an ice-cream headache.
27. Trip on a shoelace.
28. Use a leaf as a bookmark.
29. Put more money into a slot-machine than you originally intended to.
30. Check your e-mail, receive nothing, and then check it again – just in case there’s a server error somewhere.
31. Pack a bag or suitcase too full, and unpack it with a suddenly heavy heart.
32. While walking, go slightly out of your way to admire someone who’s hot.
33. Pick up a hammer by the other end, and marvel at how light it feels.
34. Owe something.
35. Fire an elastic band at someone.
36. Speak to a computer screen – for example “What?! Why did you do that???”
37. Walk into plate glass.
38. Wear odd socks (deliberately or by mistake).
39. Enjoy a song for nostalgia’s sake that you’ll willingly admit is crap in every other sense.
40. Rehearse an argument in your head with someone annoying, putting them firmly in their place.
41. Knock on a door with a jaunty rhythm – eg. RAP RAP-A-RAP RAP, RAP *RAP*.
42. Notice a shopkeeper’s given you too much change, but pretend you’re unaware of it.
43. Bite into a tomato and have it fire all over you.
44. Give directions.
45. Sit on the floor when a perfectly good chair is available.
46. Immediately click with someone.
47. Pull the label off an item of clothing and accidentally rip the hem it’s attached to.
48. Play Poohsticks.
49. Forget to water a plant and feel guilty about it.
50. Make a list of things to do.
And your score was…?
Further reading: ” 4 Stupid Ways To Have A Better 2022 ” – Everything Is Amazing
My friend Geraldine is slightly more than twice as funny as I am, so she made a list of 101 Totally Attainable Life Goals. Add them to your list.
(Yes, that’s more things to do. 152 in total now! Oh come on, it’s not exactly hard. #thatswhatshesaid)
Images: Still Thinking, DennisSylvesterHurd, djeucalyptus, jcolman, jek in the box and robin.elaine