The Pitching Game: Because Spam Should Be Roasted

angry cat

angry cat

Don’t fight them. Don’t delete them. Score them.

If you’re a blogger, you probably get e-mails like this.

Hi Mickey!

I just discovered your blog Feathered Mumblings and I am amazed at your quality! My work colleagues gathered round my laptop screen and we all talk about how relevant you are. I’m weeping with joy right now. Your content is so great and mention so many thing that are important and true about various importance topic of life! We are all very grateful, so must your reader. Thank you. 

I am writing to offer you a free (FREE) guest post on septic tank insurance. Our expert content writers will write this post for free and it will be quality and filled with content that is relevant for your reader, do not worry and do not argue. Our only request is a link back to FestivalOfSewage.com. For this post we will offer $10 which will be pay today. 

Answer now.

John
Outreach Specialist.

We usually just delete them – but they just keep coming.

Plus, deleting is so respectful. It’s like you’re treating them like normal bot-driven spam, when it’s actually far worse than that – because there’s clearly a human being behind it. A real person is talking to you like this.

Right?

So, a few years back I made something called The Pitching Game. It used to be a page on this blog. Now it’s a poster – and you can get it below.

Go forth and score ’em.

M

the pitching game


BONUS

Read these irritatingly funnier posts about how Geraldine of The Everywhereist and Jenny of The Bloggess deal with these kinds of e-mails.


Images: Felinest; poster created using Canva.

  • Jessica Voigts

    I win! 1 MILLION TRILLION POINTS! today! :) love this, Mike.

  • Gold!! I’ve been needing a way to make those emails much more fun. I’ve just found it. Thanks!