Blogging Masterclass Open – SIGN UP NOW!

Posted by on Mar 1, 2012 in The Everyday | 15 Comments

Isn’t she lovely? With my Blogging Masterclass, you could be just like her / dating her vigorously. Guaranteed.

Hello everyone!

As you know, I’m something of a goddamn genius. And because I’m enormously big-hearted as well, I’ve decided to scatter the seed of my genius far and wide – in as wide a swathe as possible.

Yes!

That’s right – exclusively to Fevered Mutterings readers, I am proud-and-yet-humble  to announce the launch of my new BLOGGING MASTERCLASS COURSES for 2012.

WHAT, MIKE? ARE YOU NUTS?

I’m glad you asked me that, Mike – but no, I’m not nuts. I really am doing this!

Here’s the shizzle.

For a nominal fee per term (based on how much I think you should pay following the disclosure of your income), you will be able to enjoy a full, packed, 10-week online course of hot, steaming Blog Truth, freshly squeezed out my brain and into your waiting hands.

Disclaimer: despite various affiliation and syndication deals that may lead to this content being re-purposed elsewhere and certain personal details of participants being exchanged with third-party advertising bodies (see Terms & Conditions, available on request, although despatch may be slow at times of high traffic), please feel assured that this is EXCLUSIVE CONTENT offered ONLY TO YOU, and your privacy is 100% ASSURED (within reason).

Are you ready to learn how it’s *really* done, Blogging Hopefuls?

HERE’S HOW TO BLOG LIKE A PRO!

(Courses available online through 2012)

FM001 I Like Myself Regularly: Using Facebook’s “Like” Button For Enhanced Self-Worth And Solo Fun.

FM002 “Spam” Is Your Friend (credit card registration & photocopy of passport required for enrollment).

FM003 Lower Your Bounce Rate By Removing Ways To Escape: Blogging Lessons From A Prison Guard.

FM004 Open Your Laptop Better.

FM005 Timelapses Never Get Old: Let’s Make Even More Of The Damn Things.

FM006 LiveJournal Isn’t Dead, It’s Just Resting.

FM007 Love 2.0: Relationship Ground Rules Using PHP And HTML.

FM008 Optimize Your Face: It’s Holding You Back.

FM009 Red Bull Red Bull Red Bull Red Bull RED BULL.

FM010 Smug Travel Photography: How To Make People Painfully Aware They’re Not There With You.

FM011 Breaking The Ice At Blog Conferences With Interpretive Dance And Macramé.

FM012 Sidestep Freelance Deadlines By Feigning Madness (practical session available).

FM013 The Three Bucket Method For Cutting Back On Social Media.

FM014 Combatting Post Slugs With Salt, Egg-Shells, Copper Tape and Sand.

FM015 The “Blogosphere”: Just Don’t.

 

SO – which ones are YOU signing up for?

(Pro tip: sign up for them, then tell me!)

Image: Ed Yourdon

  • http://www.findingtheuniverse.com Laurence

    This post makes me want to date YOU vigorously Mike ;)

    • Mikeachim

      I can offer a one-on-one consultation session – but I’m going to be honest here, I’m not cheap.

  • Tisi

    I have no idea what half of them would be about, and yet I still want to take them…

  • Jimbo

    I read your second line as ‘big-bearded’.

    I don’t need FM06 I can read the BBC News website http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-17177053 A blogging guru like you must know this and I’m pretty sure you’ve gone one better than Boney and that crazy German guy and stuck a pin in Mokba: ‘Innglish Man you vant voman?’

  • http://philintheblank.net Phil

    I’m especially interested in the productivity module FM 009, but only if it is close to filling up and there are only a few remaining, exclusive and incredibly limited spots left.

  • http://www.girlwithgumption.com Melanie @grlwithgumption

    I would like to offer my services as a guest lecturer for FM012.

    I only write nowadays to lay the groundwork for a future insanity plea.

  • http://thefutureisred.com Leigh

    Most definitely sign me up. For all of them.

    Umm… can I pay by giving you a reciprocal link on my blog?

  • http://www.nickelmoon.com sharon miro

    Do you take barter?

  • http://www.nerdseyeview.com pam

    Consider adding “Working for exposure” in which participants are trained by being abandoned naked on a rock while a cold tide turns inland. Uphill? Giant angry crows.

  • http://www.elleninturkey.com Ellen

    The sad thing is, I was halfway through reading this before I realized it was a joke. It’s not all that far from some other promos I’ve read. Well done!

  • Rich P

    I would like to take FM004. I have yet to master this.

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  • http://soulfodder.blogspot.com Jenny

    I am ready for FM011! And to think, I normally break the ice by doing something embarrassing!

  • http://www.nearafar.com Natalie T.

    I actually thought you were seriously doing this until I read the syllabus. Ah, man!